confessions from my dark black soul......

well, before i spread my social netting i feel i must get a few things off my ample chest.

confession 1

i have a very, very dirty love happening for willie of swamp people. the fact that i watch the show at all should be confession enough but no i couldn't leave it at that. the idea that my man willie can pull a 600lb alligator over the side of the boat single handed is one thing. but the fact that he can do it while never taking his cigarette out of his mouth is quite another. oh my good god. you must realize that at my age i rarely have dirty thoughts at all but willie has changed all that. he small and only weighs 150lbs but he's young and strong so i believe i won't break him. anyway he's already missing some teeth.

i realize that the other confessions will seem quite boring now as they are not sexual in nature but that's the way it goes

confession 2

i do copious amounts of counted cross-stitch. there its out now, i've said it. mock me if you will. this has been my dirty little craft secret for a long time. i don't know why i'm embarrassed about it it's not like i'm stitching angels or clowns but nonetheless i am stitching. i always thought cross stitch was one of the lesser crafts like liquid embroidery but recently, the lovely alicia paulson of posie gets cozy did a cross stitch alphabet sampler. i love mrs paulson , not dirty willie love but a gentle sister/daughter love. i read her blog daily. she makes the most beautiful things but i have never commented because she is so famous and i didn't want her to find out about my cross stitching but then she up and did some. hallelujah i have been set free.

confession 3

i graduated top of my class from psychic school. well it wasn't called that but generally that was the gist of the whole thing. look people, i was in my 20's - bored and lonely on the farm. there weren't such things as cable tv or internet. so i took a home study course. christ all mighty, i can't believe i'm telling this. i have no pride. anyway i learned among other things how to create and interpert astrological charts, numerology, tarot card reading, rune stones, i ching, palm reading and so on and so on. i am a very well rounded member of the CPC (canadian psychic council) sorry that bit's a lie, there's no such thing. but the point is i can perform all this parlor tricks and i graduated with a 98% average. so bring it on - i'll tell your future.

well that was exhausting. you now know mostly everything. i can go forward towards success with a happy little smile

bev

Revelations under the Mexican sun

elenor roosevelt once said "you must do the thing you think you cannot do"

now, i don't know what she was specifically referring to but i'm choosing to take the high road and imagine she was referring to something noble - not mr roosevelt and his bag of sex toys.

now this little quote has been my mantra for the last couple of months. i can tell you for certain we will never face enemies greater than our own fear and apathy. the invisible barriers we construct are tightly woven with our darkest thoughts. i know there are those go-getter's out there who have no idea what i'm talking about. bless you. but there are those of us who are being eaten alive by our own overactive minds. we feel like fakes and we wait with bated breath for our world to collapse around us. i have read that this phenomena is quite prevalent with creative, intelligent people. but most likely a creative, intelligent person wrote that to make himself feel better about failing.

i have tried for the last little bit to come to terms with this. and quite frankly a cure is unlikely. i have been an actor for far too long to find another profession. this is just the way it is. what cannot be changed must be worked around.

can you imagine that all this agony is over listing items in my etsy shop and starting a facebook fan page for the store/ blog. i am so pitiful.

all this churned in my head while on vacation in mexico. yes, i mounted yet another aircraft and put my life in the hands of captain somebody or other. i found that a
6 hour delay and a bit of liquor put me in the appropriate aeronautical mood and strangely i found that flying in a southerly direction did not cause as much distress as flying easterly towards my mother. go figure. speaking of my mother she referred to the lovely place that i stayed on holidays as a REsort. its astounding how quickly she can completely change one's concept of something just by changing the syllable accent. i suddenly felt that the lovely accommodations where somewhere where we had resorted to go or the place had resorted to take us after all the good tourists were taken. ah, the breadth of her power is great.

so when i returned from the REsort i told my self i must stop this foolishness. i must stop being such a big baby. so i decided to do the thing i cannot do. but first i bought some books on how to make this happen and i'm almost finished them. so some pretty big, small things are on the way

finally

off topic but still slightly related -
sorry to all you fellow holiday goers who were left with the impression that i was one or more of the following.....

a) a critical care nurse named deb
b) a sunday school teacher named beth
c) a frustrated former athlete who barely missed the Canadian Olympic rowing team in the 80s named debbie
d) a recovering coke addict named bethie

i'm sorry but i had to sit with the lot of you by the pool everyday and you all certainly took the "all inclusive" thing to heart. you drank and you drank and being a non-drinker it was all a bit bewildering. how you all managed to stay alive for a week is akin to some medical wonder. getting a good story out of a drunk is much harder than you think. you must begin with a very compelling opener that captures the intoxicated mind right away. so i became whatever struck my fancy at the time. some of you needed medical advice, some counselling and the rest of you just needed to feel better about your own situation. i simply provided the correct platform from which your story could be launched. but come on didn't it feel good to get all that stuff out.

see you real soon
bev