The Greatest Show on Earth.........

on to that in a minute. firstly i'm sure you've all heard the expression "everytime a bell rings, a fairy gets her wings" now that i think about it, maybe its angel not fairy. but  really they are probably interchangeable.
but have you heard this "everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten". oh, i'm soo sorry i wrote that - well not really sorry. masturbate is of course not a swear word, not even slang dirty. but i don't think i've typed it before and now i've gone and done it twice. but back to the tale, yesterday i was in a  serious meeting - 3 hours it went on and on. and for the entire time i could not concentrate on the matters at hand because i was looking at the person talking and thinking, Sir/Madam every time you masturbate god kills a kitten. torture it was, pure torture. i pictured quite a kitten stack building beside one particular fellow. and that ladies and gentlemen is how i spent my afternoon.

 on with the show, this is it.......

mother is coming to visit and the self-esteem circus is about to commence. the big tents are up, people are taking their seats and its just too tempting not to join the show.the spotlight finds me balancing precariously on the high wire while underneath in the shadows, mom moving my safety net around. it's excitement and danger served with a side of guilt

oh before you start trying to make me feel bad - trust me i've got that part covered nicely. firstly, i fear in just writing this i 'm courting disaster. next, don't go on about how lucky i am to have a mother and all that bla bla bla. for christ's sake, i'm not 10 years old, i know all that. see, look your getting me all worked up and i'm starting to swear. i probably type masturbate again in a minute.

let me just clarify a couple of things. i love my mother. my mother is a saint. she spends thousands of hours doing good works. she is the jerry lewis of her peers. my mother has survived disease, war, the depression and me. She's a tough nut and she likes to call them as she sees them. believe me upon meeting her you will be weighed, you will be measured and more than likely you will be found wanting.
that's just the way it is.. it's quite entertaining when you're not the target.

so pull up a seat, the next 5 weeks are going to be great.