Sunday, July 8, 2012

sweet humped back jesus..........






i know, i know. it's not much of a crown and it doesn't scream miss canada but what can i say - you do what you're told. jesus, i'm getting ahead of myself. as it turns out, i've been asked to represent canada in the miss universe pageant. so here i am in my evening wear that is meant to represent the ethnic traditions of my country and people. well, i guess nothing says canada quite like a horny woman.

miss dee over at http://modmombeyondindiedom.blogspot.ca/ presented me a blog award - so out came all my crowns, scepters and shit. i realize that some people think blog awards are trivial, annoying trinkets but not me. well, i'll admit i first thought the sisterhood of the world bloggers award was being presented by a group of women with ungroomed ladybit hair. but i love any and all attention and i'll take whatever is being passed out and cherish it with all the dignity and honour my position on the pageant circuit dictates. all joking aside - i love it

so once again as with any title there comes the weight of the crown. the duties. the talent portion, the interview questions.


The Kreativ Blogger Award


The requirements:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to their blog.

2. Answer 7 questions about yourself.

3. Provide 10 random factoids about yourself.

4. Hand the award to 7 deserving others


........so thank you very much dee over there at http://modmombeyondindiedom.blogspot.ca/ without you this entire post would not be possible. you are a rockstar.

.........the envelope please. the 7 deserving others are people who have visited my blog and left nice comments about me. no, i'm just joking. they all have lovely blogs and most of them said nice things about me. check them out - give them some love
http://redrose-vintage.blogspot.ca/
http://graceful-disaster.blogspot.ca/
http://greeneggsnhamm.blogspot.ca/
http://citygirlgoneranchmama.blogspot.ca/
http://jo-annemotherandnanna.blogspot.ca/
http://whitfieldawesome.blogspot.ca/
http://www.lovekate.me/




(talent portion of the show - me (front - right) hooping my ass off. that's miss belguim in the back. she is such a slut. she has no underpants on beneath that thing she calls a dress. i tried to give her a pair of mine but she was determined to put on a show)


10 things about me
- i am not inspired by rainbows
- i love to tell people what to do
- i only recently learned how ducks have sex
- i love sweet tarts
- i have a secret desire to write fake testimonials
- i think that everyone is my friend
- i often over-estimate by abilities
- i dated a man with 3 toes missing off one foot.
- i was kicked out of sunday school
- i love a good story





the interview .......jim parry, the spokesman for the wwpp (world wide pageant programing) was brought in to once again do the interview. the kreative blog award have prepared questions but as spokesmen, jim is at liberty to use his discretion

jim: good evening. haven't we met before
me: jesus christ jim, it's me bev

jim: sorry deb, let's begin
bev: fine, so that's the way it's gonna be ted

jim: what is your favourite song bev
bev: well on a good day my favorite song is "Birds" by kate nash. the chorus goes like this
"birds fly so high and they shit on your head
they almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared
but when look at them and you see they're beautiful -
that's how i feel about you"
but on a bad day it's "on fire" by eminem

jim: what's your favorite dessert, bev and let's try and keep your answers short
bev: great hard hitting journalism jim. my favorite dessert is warm blueberry grunt served in a pool of 35% MF whipping cream.

jim: what do you do when you're upset, bev
bev: honest to god jim, do you not remember asking me that last week. do you have anything else?

jim: (sigh) what do you when someone gets angry with you, bev
bev: ok, great question. usually when someone gets angry with me, i laugh. it could be hysterics but i don't think so. a lady once became so incensed after i laughed at her she threw a ukulele at me, now that's a story. there is a possibly that i could in fact, die laughing

jim: what's your favorite pet, bev
bev: hmmmm. well here on the farm we have had a wide variety of pets - cows, horses, goats, sheep, ducks, llamas, pigs, cats, dogs, fish, rabbits...... my children will ride, comb the hair of or put clothes on anything that will stand still long enough. but probably cats - i don't remember ever not having a cat.

jim: which do you prefer - white or whole wheat, bev
bev: i can tell we're probably not going to be discussing world peace. neither jim, i'm a biscuit girl.

jim: what's your biggest fear, bev
bev: firstly, if you took your god damn hand off my thigh you might realize you've already asked me that. but my absolute greatest fear is that i 'll go to heaven and i'll have to fly there in an airplane and that airplane will be piloted by a clown and upon arriving in heaven, jesus will hit on me and my mother and god will be paging me on paradise intercom, asking me to come to the office.

jim: what is your attitude mostly, bev
bev: well jim, i spend a large part of my day trying to be serious, to pay attention and focus on the task at hand. i fail most days because i can't keep the smile off my face.

.........................

thanks bev
ps - i truly love and appreciate all the followers and comments. it all makes me feel slightly stoned and god knows i love that feeling.





39 comments:

  1. Love this!! :)Thank you for giving me the award :) I look forward to reading more of your posts xo

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    1. thank you sweetie. you are so welcome. you have a lovely blog with beautiful photos.

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  2. I absolutely ADORE your interviews! Not only are they VERY informative, but you are flippin hilarious!!!!!
    (And if you want, I'll track down that aweful Jim guy and knock soome respect into him for ya. *grin*)

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    1. thank you so much my dear. it's ok don't hurt jim - i may have to sleep with him to further my career. xxx

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  3. Hey my western friend, what I'm thinking is 1) you forgot the snail 2) Sophia's dessert of today was: blueberry grunt with whipped cream (warm with 35% MF - not sure - didn't have it) 3) your greatest fear is the scariest ever!!!!

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    Replies
    1. hi sweetie - you are going to be here so soon and we are going to have such fun. bev and sue do jasper. xxx

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  4. Now that's an interesting award! Congratulations :-)

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    Replies
    1. thank you dariel raye(that is a great name)

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  5. I beg you! Please tell me more about the ukulele!

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    Replies
    1. i sure everyone knows what happens when you mix rage, laughter and musical instruments.

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  6. Oh no...not you bev. You have to be the most honest woman on the planet!!! And, I'm sure I don't have to tell you, there is something VERY wrong with church when they start kicking out honest women like you!

    ...you deserve this award, and yes, I'm with you... keep passing them out. Guess now I'll have to check what other blogs you're reading. These have to be the type people I want to start blogging out with;-)

    and pssst... you're gonna thank me for my latest book cover. hehe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. let's remember, as a child i liked to point out people's shortcomings - even the lord's.
      and thank you for your latest book cover - may i see it
      xxx

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  7. Darn it... I mean I have to thank YOU for my latest book cover!

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    Replies
    1. well, your welcome for your latest book cover - may i still see it - please xx

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  8. ladybit hair. LADYBIT HAIR!!! This whole post cracked me up. What a great way to approach the blog award thing. (I still need to attend to the Liebster.) Yes, do tell about the yuke and explain why you were kicked out of Sunday school.

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    1. yes, ladybit hair or if you prefer front passage cover. don't worry i'll probably end up telling every bit of my business
      - because if have no pride

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  9. I got my open ID to work! Yay!!!

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  10. Dear God, tears of laughter are blurring my vision. What a total hoot! How did I ever get so lucky as to stumble into this world of so many creative women writing such gloriously, hysterically funny stuff? And with pitch perfect cockeyed views of the world to boot. You are an brilliant. I've been a writer/blogger for four whole months but I am so inspired to keep getting better (well I can only hope and write). Thank you. The pics are priceless too.

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    Replies
    1. god almighty, that's quite a bit of praise. if i met you in person i'll probably kiss you right on the lips

      thank you. you pretty great yourself

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  11. Ha! I love the photos. That puffball dress is awesome.

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  12. So glad I found your blog. Smiles and craziness really are the best medicine. Thank you!

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  13. You are hysterical! And a good writer to boot! Thank you for leading me here -- and I agree -- that puffball dress!!!! I want it.

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  14. Left you an award on my post, stop by to pick it up.

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    Replies
    1. you're so sweet and crazy, mama

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  15. Passage cover! Even better! You crack me up -- much needed medicine for my sometimes-aching heart.

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    Replies
    1. it's my job to make you happy.

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  16. Awesome! I'm a new follower coming from a blog hop! I would love if you followed back at www.iheartpears.blogspot.com

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  17. thanks for stopping by my blog from the blog hop!
    This is hilarious!!! Thanks for the laughs!

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  18. Hi Bev! Thanks for coming by and for the follow. Following you back! Have a great Sunday! x

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    1. thank you and i did have a great sunday

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  19. Bev,
    I'm a sucker for smart, irreverent humor with a touch of snark! So glad you visited Cave Princess. Looking forward to following you!

    Krista

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    Replies
    1. oh my krista, you're making me dew up

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  20. Oh my gosh, you are something else! I love this! What a great idea and lifted my day. Thank you...I know your 10 secrets and I will be sure and keep them secret only to deserving individuals. Bev, I'm sorry about your Sunday School mishap-I was kicked-out of the choir. hahahah --SusanLaz

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