Saturday, March 30, 2013

little miss sunshine.......


happy easter and all that. for those of you "of", or "new to" the christian religion, i realize the beginning of the holiday must be a definite low point for you, what with the cross bit and all, but don't despair. everything turns out later in the weekend, so hold on to your shorts, somebody going to be making a comeback. 

well it turns out that the fantastic annie over at  annie off leash gave me a pressie. she nominated me for the sunshine blogger award. annie is a sexy, smart, funny writer. she's definitely one of the cool kids. and she has her own full pilgram costume for mature role playing games. check her out. she's grand!



“The Sunshine Award is an award given by bloggers to other bloggers. The receivers of the Sunshine Award are bloggers who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogsphere.”

i have to reveal 7 interesting facts about myself. but let's face it, are there 7 interesting facts left? i have spread my business over this blog like a $2 whore - my massive boobs, my mother's monkey. my various rashes.... what is there left to tell - that i was promiscuous as a teenager and that i have wiped more whiskey off the end of my chin than you'll drink in your lifetime. boring crap like that

and so..... here they are.....

1. margaret atwood has not responded to my plea for academic banter and life-long friendship. i fear another gentle missive may be in order 

2. for a time my blog was big in lativa. (well, this according to blogger stats) lativa is a small country nestled between estonia and lithuania. i thought for awhile i might become the 'latvian jesus' but then realized i was probably more like the 'latvian david hasselhoff.' and then they went off me - completely. i think they're pissy about something lost or added in the translation. now, my 3rd highest audience is poland. i'm going to wait a bit before i pack my bags for the tour.

3. six of my chickens appeared in a hollywood movie. it was a western and they needed hens for a homestead. the animal handler came and picked them up, they were gone 6 weeks and were paid $100. they came home with their heads all big and wouldn't stay in the hen-yard. they were picked off one by one by the coyotes. so let this be a tale to heed. 

4. i disappointed my mother on a weekly basis in march. i know this because she told me - every time i called she would say, "beverly i'm some disappointed in you." i can't wait to spend 3 weeks with her this summer. 

5. starting at about 2 years old, i told my now 14 year old daughter  that martha stewart was her aunt. i used to say "we must sit very quiet because aunt martha is on the tv. i even went so far as to put a present under the tree from auntie martha at christmas. i was a big fan of the martha stewart living television show and wanted to watch it in peace. the poor little thing used to tell people, "martha stewart is my aunt," and people would look at her like she was addled. she figured it out around 6 or 7. don't judge me she's a whiz at folding fitted sheets.

6. i slept walked as a child. i would be found outside, asleep on the front porch or on the neighbours' porch. nobody that we knew suffered from my affliction and my mother was horribly embarrassed. she had no idea what to do about it so she took the approach that if i got hurt while sleep walking it would teach me never to do it again. she used to say, "i guess when you're out there traipsing around in your sleep and you fall down and break your leg, that will be the end of that foolishness."

7. i gunned the engine of my kia at buddy last week. buddy is the chihuahua that bites me every tine i go to where he lives. i pictured clipping the little bastard with my bumper and sending him skidding across the frozen crust of prairie snow. i scared the living shit out of him - his little bulging eyeballs were riveted on my smiling face. he ran off with his tail between his legs...... but he's a feisty bugger because the very next time i visited he bit me. maybe next time i'll pop it in drive and make contact.

and so...

now i must nominate some blogs to pass on the award. so, with out further ado here they are in no particular order.....
amy from addled
lady c from from fat to .... fabulous?
chris from life your way
francie from a north end journal
kate from nested
doris from meandering

thanks again annie
bev

63 comments:

  1. Congrats on the award! I think that is funny about Martha. We lied horribly to our kids too. I used to take them shopping for their own Christmas presents (just so I knew what they really wanted). I told them the gifts were for their cousins in Denmark (my dad is Danish). They never figured it out- even when they received the very same gifts they chose for their cousins. Years later my daughter was devastated when she asked why the cousins never corresponded with us. I said What Cousins? You don't have any (known) cousins in Denmark. She teared up and said she was so sad because she just lost a whole branch of her family in a matter of seconds. Poor kid.

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    1. dear kathy, that is the funniest thing i have ever heard. you my dear are more devious than me. thanks for reading and leaving such a grand comment. xx
      happy easter.

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  2. Dear Bev, Latvia's loss I'd say; Poland's gain. And to have a daughter who can fold fitted sheets!!!!! Now that's the top banana of children to have I'd say. Finally, if I ever go looking for hens I'd check out if they're humble ones. No big heads around here. Peace.

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    1. dearest dee, it is lovely to see you here. thank you i'll try to win poland's loyalty.

      with out intending too, i did create a small martha stewart. she can also get the stains out of anything.

      happy easter and know that i always appreciate your comments

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  3. LOVED reading about you. I don't care if you spread your business like a $2 whore, it's all news to me. The seven things about you made me laugh out loud. Now I want to see a photo of you wiping whiskey off your chin. Thanks for the nice remarks, but I'm tossing it back to you. One of my all-time favorite writers for sure!

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    1. oh annie, you sweet thing. i think about that courtroom story you wrote all the time ( i have to go back and see what it's called) i wish that was a book.

      ah ha. it called "the trial of buddy clarke" i just went and looked it up. now i'm going to read it again.

      your writing just jumps off the page and creates a little pop-up world to get lost in. xxx

      thanks again for the award and happy easter.


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  4. Whaaaat! I thought we were friends. Sort of like you and Margaret Atwood. Maybe even closer. I was reading along making weird noises (of mirth) until I came to the part where you passed the buck. Those things make me all wobbly and insecure but I sure appreciate the pat on the back. Damn. Is it too late to accept graciously??

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    1. come on francie, i want to know some intriguing things about you. bring on the dirt. thank you for the visit. i love to see your little face. xxxx
      and happy easter

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  5. So has your daughter started her own blog yet where she tells hilarious, well-written stories about her crazy mother? It will probably be a generational tradition in your family, I'm thinking.

    P.S. I think Margaret Atwood is being kind of a stuck-up bitch.

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    1. my daughter did tell me that i was "kinda cool" she said all the other mothers were so normal and that i was the only one talking dirty about monkey's and such.

      yes margaret is a stuck-up bitch but i'm determined. i want to know all her secrets. i'm thinking about writing an appeal to thomas king. do you think they know one another?

      happy easter sweetie. isn't the weather lovely

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  6. I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post!

    Add me to the "Lie to Our Children" group. I told mine there were "Repo Elves" that worked for Santa - if they started being monsters after Christmas was over and they'd gotten the gifts, the Repo Elves would come take the gifts back!

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    1. dear c hill, (oh i get it - chill ha ha.) i must say i'm happy this lying parents group is growing. i also told my daughter i learned to sew in prison. thanks for stopping by and for following.
      happy easter

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  7. Well done Bev - you deserve it. Sorry about Margaret A. and I love the Martha Stewart thing! By the way - I'm so grateful for you putting on to Mark's Black River blog....another one of my favourites.

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    1. ah em, you sweet girl. you and mark capture all the beauties of nature. i adore you both. thanks so much for that nice comment.

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  8. I so enjoyed learned some new things about you. As I haven't been following you from the beginning, I wasn't aware of your massive boobs or your mother's monkey. None of that sounds at all boring. You would never be a $2.00 whore. You would be a high priced call girl that spreads her business all over the Internet.

    I can't imagine why anyone in Lativa would quit reading your blog. Has anyone checked on them? Are they OK? Is there a massive Internet outage?

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    1. dear cheryl, you are very sweet. i thought everyone knew of my mother's monkey and her daily washing of it.
      i didn't think about the wellbeing of the latvian people. maybe they are all on their way to see me.
      thanks for reading and commenting. you are a darling.
      happy easter. xx

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  9. Hilarious and made me smile - thanks Bev!!! xoxoxo

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    1. hi cindy. thank you so much. i hope you are having a happy easter. you have been crafting up a storm - and i love everything.
      happy easter xxx

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  10. Any one of these could have been a full blog post in itself. You are one hysterical broad, Bev. Congrats on the award.

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    1. dear jayne, i delight in seeing your name show up here. thank you and i'm honoured to receive a lovely comment. you know you're a rock star.

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  11. I loved your facts. Very entertaining.

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    1. thank you very much miss cindy and thanks for the visit.

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  12. Interesting facts and a nice award for an interesting and nice woman......lol

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    1. dearest jo-anne. i'm sure you jest. thanks for stopping by - you know i adore you

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  13. Thank you so much sweetie! Although, we may have to attend a few sessions of blog-marriage counceling. Why? Because I used to tell my young offspring about Martha Stewart too...only I'd tell them she was the anti-christ! (I am SO sorry, but I really did!)
    I mean, let's face it, she made me llok bad. ALL THE TIME! My Oldest was addicted to her show and by age 7 was taping the Holiday specials to watch over and over and over...and I could NEVER make my crap look as good as hers!
    Outside of this small hic-cough in our relationship, we're steady as a rock. *hugs*

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    1. ok, martha can be my dirty little secret. although i'm over her now. our marriage is intact. xxx

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  14. Congratulations, Bev! and THANK YOU for the nomination! :-) I do love receiving awards and they are such a compliment coming from you! I'm jealous that your daughter is so good at folding fitted sheets. You should do a video tutorial and post it on the blog. My linen closet looks like something exploded inside of it.

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    1. dear kate, thank you and you're welcome. that would be a fouled mouth little tutorial. i don't think the internet is ready to hear my voice or see my daughter roll her eyes at me.

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  15. You had me at "what with the cross bit and all," and I laughed all the way through. Your famous chickens I found especially humorous and endearing. And about Buddy, I know his type. He had it coming.

    Thanks for such a wonderful post. I needed it.

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    1. oh junie, what's up butter cup? are you ok? i'm glad you liked it. say some prayers to shorten my hens stay in purgatory. thank you for your continued support - i need it.

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  16. I am truly honored to receive a nomination from you, dear Bev. Thank you. And how did I miss the mama's monkey story? You must post a link back to that one (or I could stop being lazy and search for it). Latvia and Margaret Atwood don't know the riches they are missing. Time to show Poland and Martha Stewart some love. I'll start the letter writing campaign.

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    1. dear amy, if i knew how to post a link i would. it's from last july. maybe you could write margaret for me - have you actually touched her? was she cold? if you're successful with martha, let me know, i'll have to clean my car before i pick her up at the airport.

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  17. Congrats on that truly prestigious award! I used to babysit for a kid who sleep walked (is the sleep past tense too?) and one night I found him peeing in the litter box. Scared the crap out of me - I was only 12!

    Better than sleep eating...

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    1. eva lesko natiello, that was a funny story, and don't ask me about tenses - what i know about the written word would not fill a hamster's teacup. thank you so much for stopping by - i'm going to find your blog now.

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  18. I very much enjoy reading through your blog. Thank you so much for stopping by mine. I find your writing voice very compelling.

    Nice to learn a little more about you here....Hilarious actually.....watch out Buddy!

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    1. thank you very much julia. no one has ever called my voice compelling. you are very nice and i'm glad you stopped by. and thanks for the follow.

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  19. Okay, I've tried to leave a comment three times. Now I've switched to a different computer so, hopefully, this will take. First, congrats! You deserve it. Second, if I discovered Martha Stewart were my aunt I'd impale myself with her signature cutlery. Luckily, your daughter took the news much better.

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    1. oh sweetness, you're teasing me with this online presence. say you'll stay. i have missed you so...
      first - thanks
      second - i have told that child more lies than i can count. she is extremely gullible but very good natured. i have already confessed to telling her i learned to craft in prison and i told her dead animals on the side of the road were only sleeping. "i would say, "what a funny place for that deer to take a nap"
      third - xxx

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  20. hey, love! just popping over from the blog hop! a lot of your points made me laugh out loud. especially aunt martha!

    hope you're having an incredible week so far! xx

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    1. hi allie, thank you for stopping by, and thanks for saying nice things about my relatives.

      i hope you're having a super duper week so far! xx

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  21. I sense a theme here but what is it? WHAT IS IT??!!! Oh yeah! The name Martha (Martha Atwood and Martha Stewart)...do you have any crushes on any other Marthas? I bet that sweet little girl in the pic is a Martha. Right?

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    1. you know i love you from the bottom of my cold, black heart but this comment has one tiny detail wrong. spot it and i will buy you a snowglobe from the gift shop of your choice on our summer tour. xxx

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  22. I'm following GFC from Friend Connect Blog Hop. please return the favor and follow me back at Evoluchun's Miscellaneous

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    1. hello danyale, thank you for the visit and the follow. i'll be right over.

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  23. I love number five. We used to use Martha Stewart's name in vain much like the MF curse. It kept my boys from blatantly swearing in front of my mother. Whom I might add is often dissapointed in me as well.

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    1. dear zoe, that was a very funny comment. i'm glad you stopped by. i am off to find your world. thanks for the follow

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  24. A belated happy chocolate bunny eggs and ears to you Bev! I would jog more often, if Martha could just tell me how to keep the ice cubes from falling out of my glass! :)

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    1. happy belated easter and spring to you mark. there's always the sippy cup. thanks as always for stopping by - it's always nice to see your little face.

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  25. aww!! i love the picture !! congrats and thanks a lot for the visit and follow..gladly followed back : )

    xoxo

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    1. at first i thought that your name was "can viruses rise" and i was going to say, "yes, i believe they can" thanks so much for the follow and visit.

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    ReplyDelete
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    1. ok anon, you are like the avon lady knocking on my blog door. i don't have to partake in simulations. i own my very own airline.

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  27. Hey did you honestly think I wouldn't find you. You are very extremely talented at this blog thing. Thanks for supper super friends!

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    1. ok anon, that's a little creepy. i think i now who you are and you don't scare me. just don't tell anyone you found me. :)

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  28. amazing pictures, I love them! I just started writing a blog a few days ago, would you like to follow each other? follow me and I'll follow you back!

    www.11pmconfessions.blogspot.com

    thank you sooo much!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. dearest anon, try to grasp the concept of anonymous. one does not post a tiny picture and link to another blog if one wants to remain anonymous. unless of course you're wearing a mask in the dirty pictures i'm sure you'll have available over there.

      Delete
    2. ok i checked no dirty pics.

      Delete
  29. This is awesome. You are very funny and your blog is interesting to read. I came here through the Meet and Greet, following you now.

    Jennifer
    http://thistlebearhome.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  30. Calvin injured his foot badly... Yesterday when I told mom she said "Well, maybe now he has learned his lesson." I said "Mom!!!" and she said "Well...when you guys were kids I would say over and over 'you're gonna hurt yourself doing that craziness' and when you did, I said "Well now maybe you've learned your lesson!" This with a loud, self-righteous, superior voice from the window seat in Scotia Lunch.

    ReplyDelete